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Three biggest reasons that is keeping you away from
realizing your most vivid and grandest dreams.....
I hope this post finds you in the best of your health.
Friends, I thank you and value you for reading and sharing my earlier posts on
different forums and for receiving such an over-whelming response in the past few weeks.
My today’s blog is inspired from the 2012 interview of Oprah Winfrey with
senior Pastor, Dr. Rick Warren in Oprah’s Life-class and the series of related
articles that I read thereafter. Author of the international best -selling ‘The
purpose driven Life’, Dr. Warren after his in-depth analysis of over ten years
opines that two biggest reasons most people do not fulfill their purpose in
life are ‘envy’ and ‘people-pleasing’. In my post today, I have added a third
reason ‘jealousy’ which is very close to ‘envy’ though carries a hair-line
difference.
Introducing the Evil
trio of Jealousy, Envy and People-Pleasing:
As I take you deep into the topic, let me acknowledge
right here that none of us are perfect. We human beings are all work in
progress and will be considered as a complete product in the last few days of
our Life or may be after we are gone and which is so dependent on the quality of
lives we live, the legacy we leave to the world. Now it is up to us what kind
of product we want to become, whether we die as an unfinished, incomplete product by
living an unfulfilled life, becoming a crowd person or listening to our
inner-self, rising to our calling and potential. When it comes to jealousy,
envy, and people-pleasing, each one of us has or had varying degree of these
characteristics within us.
In this blog, I take a holistic and most practical
approach to dealing with these poisonous triplets. I have considered both sides
of the equation. The change always start from within. I have illustrated ways
and methods as to how we ourselves can stay away from being jealous, envious,
and the trap of people-pleasing mindset and at the same time how to deal with
people overflowing with such negative emotions. I hope you will like my humble
effort in which I invested my entire day today :)
What is Jealousy?
In the words of Wikipedia, “Jealousy is an emotion,
and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of
insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great
personal value. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as
anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust” In simple words, I
would say it’s a feeling of resentment against someone because of that
person’s rivalry, success, achievement, advantages; and in some cases their
prosperity, happiness and even material possessions triggers jealousy.
How not to be jealous:
Friends, as I said earlier, change always starts from
within. Jealousy often comes from counting others blessing instead of our own.
We must understand it well that someone else’ victory is not our defeat.
Self-awareness is the first step to stop being jealous of other’s success. Do
some self-talk and identify the situations, the circumstances that are
triggering the feeling of jealousy within you. I would personally suggest
jotting them down on a piece of paper. Jealousy is often a by-product of
insecurity, fear and low self-worth. The second step would be to build up your
self-confidence. On multiple occasions I have observed people who are jealous
of others lack self-confidence. Sometimes they may seem confident with their
critical words but in reality they are hollow from inside. So friends, please
build up your confidence. This will help you feel good about yourself and when
you feel good about yourself, it’s most certain that you will feel good for and
about others. Third step would be to stop comparing yourself to others. This is
also a key to happiness.
Famous American Author, Theodore Roosevelt, once said
‘Comparison is the thief of all Joy’. Further, comparing yourself to others in
the wrong spirit is an insult to your own individual being. Comparison also
reduces your confidence level. Author of ‘Mind Power’, Stephen Richards says it
so well “stop comparing yourself with others. If they are good at something,
you too are good at something else. Self-confidence is not measure by your own
capabilities versus that of others, but by your own needs.” Friends I say this
with huge emphasis, please, please stop comparing yourself to others. Along
with the above three step process, always be trusting and optimistic about people.
Dealing with Jealous
people:
The trick is never spending your time and energy in
thinking about and reacting to jealous and envious people because every moment
wasted in doing so is a moment away from realizing your grandest dreams. In the
words of a wise man ‘Never hate people who are jealous of you, but respect
their jealousy because they are the ones who think that you are better than
them’ Well said Sir!. I cannot agree more.
Famous American Philosopher William Penn has said
“Jealous and envious people are troublesome to others but a torment to
themselves.” Friends, the point I want to illustrate here is Jealous and
Envious people are self-destructive. These people are also sometimes called the
‘Critics’ or ‘Naysayers’. Instead of focusing on their own self-growth, they
focus on ways to bring others down. I would like to remind you here
that the people who are trying to bring you down are already below you.
They try to tarnish your image by spreading rumors and false news. I had shared
my thoughts on dealing with Critics in one of my earlier blogs, you may read it here: Don't
Let others pull you down ; such people hate the things they can’t have
and the people they can’t be. So, never ever worry about those who talk behind
your back, they are behind you for a reason.
Jealousy vs Envy:
What is Envy?
Dr. Warren says "Envy is 'I must be like you to
be happy,' I've got to look like you, I've got to have your money, I've got to
have your kids, your family, your husband.' That’s envy". Envy is
said to be one of the seven deadly sins. It is a fatal and disastrous poison
which spoils the soul. Grammatically, the words ‘envy’ is both a noun and a
verb. Web Dictionary defines the noun ‘Envy’ as ‘a feeling of
discontent, covetousness, or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s
possessions, qualities or luck’ whereas verb ‘envy’ means ‘the
desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to
someone else.’ Wikipedia cites ‘Envy’ as “an emotion when a
person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement or possession and either
desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.” Famous British Philosopher,
Bertrand Russell said that envy is one of the most potent causes of
unhappiness.
Dealing with Envy:
Famed Russian Poet, Yevgeniy Yevtushenko once said “Envy is an insult to oneself”.
Friends, people will talk about you when they envy you and the superior life
you lead. Let them do so. You affected their Life. Don’t let them affect
yours. Blowing out the other person’s candle will not make you shine
brighter. So don’t envy anyone and also blindly ignore the people who envy you
for it is the mere waste of time and energy thinking about such negative
people. My favorite Philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Envy is the tax
which all distinction must pay”. Just think that if someone envies you,
criticizes you; you are on the right path.
Illustrious Greek playwright, dramatist and author
of ‘The Serpent Son’ says “It’s in the character of a very few men to honor
without envy(ing) a friend who has prospered.” So Friends, be those
rare and uncommon human beings who don’t and never envy any other person. Also
there is least you can do to people who envy you. Let them, but you be on the
right side. You may think the grass is greener on the other side but
if you take time to water your own grass it would be just as green. Please
understand that envy is a kind of illusion when something good happens to
someone else, it takes nothing, absolutely NOTHING away from you. Then why
Envy?? Think of the extra-ordinary possibilities and happiness that would come
your way if you lead an envy-free life. With envy out of the way you will have
more and more room for your own greatness.
What is People
Pleasing?
"People-pleasing is 'I must be liked by you to
be happy. And unless you like me, I can’t be happy.' says Dr. Warren. People-pleasers want
everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked them to.
Earlier, I myself used to be a people pleaser. I would say ‘yes’ to anything
and everything to one and all whether it robs me of my precious time. I would
put everyone else before myself. I used to think, I need to be needed by others
to be liked. I feared if I don’t make everyone happy and be part of the crowd,
I may be dis-liked and cut from the group. This was certainly making me feel
guilty, lack of confidence and very unhappy.
Friends, come out of the mindset of being liked by
everyone:
Men’s most innate need is to be liked and
appreciated by others. A year ago when I used to share my blogs on social
platforms like Facebook and Twitter, I used to think “I will be happy by the
number of ‘likes’ I receive." Every now and then I used to log in and
see the number of likes I have got or the complements I received. I
used to get dis-heartened with the fewer responses. I am glad that today with
better awareness and a changed mindset, such things don’t matter to me (at all).
I share my blogs to be read and spread my message of positivity and hope in my constant endeavor to make our earth a happier and better place to live. I give my best
and that is all I can do. So it really doesn't matter whether you
like my posts or not. I am happy and proud to be myself. I don’t need and
care for anyone’s approval to be happy and same applies for you.
Dealing with People-pleasing mindset:
Friends, the simple and plain truth is you
cannot please everyone. You must realize that you have a choice. You must set
your priorities and learn to say NO most humbly. Remember the simple mantra
that ‘people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t
mind’. I will give you a live example what happened a couple of days ago. A
gentle man called me on my cellphone thrice in quick succession. I was on some other duty and had left my cellphone on work desk. And most honestly I
mention, I am not so obsessive about carrying these devices every now and then
with me. After a couple of hours when I saw the missed calls, I called the
person back twice, each time to be disconnected by him. It may be possible he
might be busy but he never called back. I left at that. This gentleman is an
elderly slacker who is far away from being a role model for even a single
person on earth, even his own children. Well, my intention is not to say ill of
anyone but illustrate that only slackers and naysayers would mind minor
things as such. I most humbly don’t care about such people.
Bringing out the best in you: the story of two wolves
Before I wrap up, I live you with this incredible
story of the two “wolves” living inside all of us. This will further in
conjunction with the ideas shared above will help to bring out the best in you.
These two wolves are constantly in fight with each other. The first wolf is
called ‘Evil'. It’s a combination of greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, ego,
bitterness, hatred, arrogance, vengeance, rage, atrocity, barbarity, and
in-authenticity. The second wolf is called ‘Good’. It is a mix of joy, peace,
love, hope, compassion, honesty, humility, authenticity, gratefulness,
kindness, empathy, and happiness. To the question of “Which wolf wins among the
two?” reply would be ‘The one which you feed the most will win.’
This is so very true.
Friends, it is up to us, what kind of people we are
surrounding us with, what kind of books we are reading, what kind of programs
we are watching, and what kind of habits we are sticking to. You may remember
the acronym ‘GIGO’ which refers to ‘Garbage in Garbage out’, the same acronym
also stands for ‘Good in Good out’. So if you are feeding yourself with
negative thoughts by doing all negative things mentioned above, you will bleed
negativity whereas if you feed your mind with positive thoughts, surround yourself
with positive people you will get positive outcomes and in the process march
towards realizing your dreams.
My Final Words:
Eminent Author and Speaker, Les Brown says "Drop
jealousy and envy for they make you ugly. Be loving, be accepting, and most of
all be happy just the way you are." Dr. Warren says "if I have to be
like you or I have to be liked by you, those two things will cause you to miss
God's purpose for your life." Envy and jealousy are the religion of the
mediocre. Stay away from such negative emotions forever. You will be a lot
happier, healthier and successful.
I most sincerely hope this blog adds value and
helps you to change the way you think, behave and act in the most positive way.
I wish you all success and happiness in Life that you would wish for yourself.
May you fulfill all your dreams in your path to greatness. Remember, don’t be
jealous, and never be envious to anyone, be content and happy with what you have,
ignore and forgive the people who are jealous and envious of you; don’t intend
to become a people-pleaser at the cost of your own happiness. If you grasp
these three things deep within you, it’s most certain you will realize all your
dreams.
With Lots of Gratitude for reading me,
As always, My Best Wishes,
Narendra Gupta
